I'm "Fine"
Most of us are used to getting onto the workplace in the
morning and asking ((and being asked) “how are you?”. How often do we mean this? Admit it, we’re
just doing it for politeness.
Our usual response is “fine”, which Martin and Elizabeth of
Leadership Q&A jokingly translated as meaning
Fairly (or any
other “F”-word you care to use)
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
In other words, we may be feeling a number of emotions, one
of which might be the “fine” with which
we answer.
“Fine” is a “neutral” or “nothing” word, a disinterested and
courteous response to what we perceive as a disinterested and courteous
question - part of the “morning ritual” we go through when we get to the
office.
So when we, as leaders, ask people “How are you?” or “How
are you today?” we need first to ask ourselves “Am I asking this because I’m genuinely interested in my co-worker’s
well being or am I doing it because I’m being polite?”
If it’s for politeness, we're wasting our time and (more
importantly) theirs.
I remember one coach who always used to ask me, “So how’s
William today?”, speaking to me as though we were talking about someone
else. When I asked him why he didn't say
“you”, he explained that some people find it easier to answer if the question
is phrased this way. Fair enough, but I
had to explain that I found it disingenuous and patronising, as though he were
talking to a small child and risked being perceived (by me, at any rate) as
insincere.
Martin and Elizabeth suggest 4 ways of getting a meaningful
answer:
1. Be Focused On The Answer:
- Listen
- Show we’re genuinely interested
2. Don’t Let Them Get Away With Just “Fine”:
- · Ask an additional question (e.g. “What does ‘fine’ mean?”)
- · Probe a bit deeper
- · This may be disconcerting at first for both us and the co-worker, so be careful and try to avoid accusations of giving them the “Third Degree”.
3. Think About How They Answered The Last Time
We Asked:
- · Did they say “Really great”? and not just “Fine”? If so, why have things changed?
- · It shows that:
o
We’re really listening
o
We’re genuinely interested
4. Ban Using The Answer “Fine”
- · Make a joke of it - share the meaning of “Fine” above!
It’ll take a while, but maybe there might be some pleasant
surprises in store.
Labels: Leadership, Teamwork
posted by William Martin @ 10:19
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